10 Things I Heard at Work This Week

10. At 4:55pm: "I'm leaving for a 6 month trip to Tanzania tomorrow, and I expect you to fill my (anti-anxiety/high cholesterol/high blood pressure/anti-diarrheal) medications before 5pm! Oh, and do I need a malaria shot?"

9. "What do you MEAN Medicare doesn't pay for that?!"

8. "It burns when I pee....a lot."

7. "I was eating Mexican today, and when I ate my burrito I suddenly remembered that I need a gastroenterology referral."

6. From a 93 yr. old caller: "I need to make an appointment for my 57 yr. old son for chronic hemmorroids."

5. "I think I've got the herpes."

4. "If it's a fasting appointment, can I still have a doughnut in the morning?"

3. "Pretty soon we'll be signing these insurance checks to Dr. Obama."

2. "Can I get a prescription for anti-gas medication? I have a funeral to go to tomorrow, and I don't want to embarass myself."

1. Handing a stool sample over the counter: "I have a present for you!"